Shabby Chic

February is the worst month of the year by far: February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don’t get and it is the host month for Valentine’s Day.

Try to avoid February’s whenever possible.

Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year when unhappily married women don’t envy their Happy Single Friends and their happily single friends are tempted to spend their “shoe money” on a dating service.

VD, a day when even penicillin won’t cure what’s ailing you.

Valentine’s Day is the day when Happy Singles envy something they don’t necessarily even want.

Chorus in the song Valentine’s Day Lament: “What’s wrong with me”.

Chorus in the song I Survived Valentine’s Day: “What was I thinking”.

Valentines Day is like the measles. We all have to go through it and hope we survive. If we don’t scratch the irritation, we’ll have fewer scars. So let’s duck tape mittens to our hands and not scratch.

After all, it may be one “mother” of a long day but it’s only one day.

Suggestions on how to get through it intact:

Avoid restaurants of any kind – let’s face it, this is not the night you want to utter the words : A table for one please”. Don’t do that to yourself.

If you have any single friends you can get together with, get drunk and beat the hell out of a heart-shaped piñata full of chocolates.

If you don’t have any single friends you can get together with, get drunk, pin a picture of your ex’s face on a cupid shaped piñata filled with chocolate and beat the hell out of it.

If you can’t think of anyone you would want to be with given the choice, broaden your horizons – give serious consideration to becoming gay. Then plan to write a book about it, naming all the names of the people that made your “changing teams” so easy.

Install caller ID on your phone and DO NOT talk to anyone who thinks you should be married or involved in a relationship with potential (your disappointed Mother can go for one day without talking to you).

To combat the inclination to go “postal” at work after you have seen the tenth vase of red roses on your co-workers desks, put on one of those sexy black satin sleeping masks. Suggestion: If you are on a budget you might want to consider renting a seeing-eye dog for the day instead of buying yourself roses .

While most celebrate romance on this day try celebrating your life and all the family and friends who love you “just the way you are” and pretend that matters (some alcoholic beverages may be required to pull this off).

Remember all the bad sex you have had.

Flowers don’t judge - buy some for yourself just as a reminder that you don’t need someone else to do it for you (15% of single women do this by the way).

3% of singles buy their pets Valentine’s Day gifts. BAD IDEA. Do you really want to loose the respect of your cat? I for one will not buy a Valentine’s Day gift for my Persian cats. I have not, however, ruled out buying myself flowers and having dinner with them.

If you are a Drama Queen – think of this day as a new episode in your personal soap opera.

If thinking about being dateless on Valentine’s Day hurts, stop doing it.

On February 15^th, to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for next February 14^th. talk to as many women as you can whose significant other or spouse did absolutely nothing for them on Valentine’s Day worth bragging about.

Remember there’s nothing wrong with any of us – it’s just not our day.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. “

The fact that the “commercial dating machine” is so damned good at it is unfortunate.

So be pro-choice, choose not to buy into the billion dollar hype.

Most importantly, hold onto your sense of self and your sense of humor.

Get through the day and before you know it your unhappily married friends will be back to envying you.

Till the next time,

Shabby Chic

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A Single Response from a Fellow Blogger to One Man’s Point of View - with thanks from Shabby Chic

“Perhaps this whole “sex, hot food, and clean clothing” perspective is precisely why women want more independence. Being in “service” to one’s husband is hardly a fulfilling life, and women have long known that. Besides, being married has never stopped men from getting sex at home AND elsewhere.

“I think the point that the first article (The Cultural Threat of the Happy Single Woman) was trying to make is that women no longer feel as compelled to get married and are enjoying the independence and freedom that men have enjoyed for many generations prior. The guy arguing that men marry for “sex, hot food, and clean clothing” is totally missing the point. Men have never really needed or wanted to get married as much as women (as far as the myth goes and his argument supports that). His argument is just bull.

“The one thing the guy is right about is that never in history have men been able to get so much free extramarital sex. Every sexual liberation movement has benefited men more than women. Particularly this one, which is clearly focused more on men’s pleasure in its philosophy than on a woman’s. And this is our error, us women, for not demanding more for ourselves and refusing certain behaviors and requests.”

But that’s another post, right?

Velvet Verbosity @ http://velvetverbosity.com

Get Funny Pictures at pYzam.com

Response From My Side of the Computer Screen

You bet it is!
To be fair and factual all women do not hate being married. Statistics, however, have told us for quite some time, that for many in America marriage has not lived up to the promise of “living happily ever after” and men and women alike are walking away.

But let’s face it, for disenchanted women, all of the factors you mention have been a part of the “marriage misery” index forever. That more women are choosing to divorce, to delay marriage or choosing not to get married at all is not surprising for the reasons you sited and many more. What is significant about women choosing to be single, is the fact that more women today are in a position financially and emotionally to live with that choice. Therein lies the cultural, socio- political “seismic shift” the cultural critics are worried about. It is one thing to be single because no one has proposed. It is quite another to say “no thanks”. Instead of investing in risky stock market options, more women are taking risks with their own futures and finally betting on themselves.

That some women are happy in “singledom” because they are “enjoying the independence and freedom men have enjoyed for many generations” is equally true.

It is, however, important to acknowledge that independence and freedom are reality based experiences -neither one can happen in vacuum. To truly experience either requires the existence of the element of choice. Some would argue that everyone has choices they can make. I would like to remind these individuals that there was a time not long ago when the only choice the common woman had was between marriage and poverty. For these women marriage was not a choice, it was a survival tactic. Today, for the millions of American women living in poverty that is still their reality.

I believe the term pro-choice should not be confined to the realm of woman’s reproductive rights. It should be used in the context of women’s life rights. Both are worth fighting for.

So how did all of this come about?

It’s important we understand what’s going on because seismic changes have a habit of rocking our world. Change is everywhere and we all need to keep up.

There are a few things we can count on in life – death, taxes and the power of numbers.

Pick any single minded large group in American history and any one us with access to Google can track the impact they have had on the government and society of this country. The growing number of singles in America will, in time, change the workplace, the tax code and social convention as we know it today.

Is our two-by-two Noah’s Ark culture starting to tip - one by one?

Stay tuned for the next conversation, “The Single Minded: “Why now? What does it mean? “ .

Read Part I and Part II of the Single Minded Woman.

Till the next post,

Shabby Chic

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Excerpt from the New York Times: “The news that 51 percent of all women live without a spouse might be enough to make you invest in cat futures………”

So how’s that for a stereotype?

The fact that I have two Persian cats as my roommates should in no way be interpreted as factual support for such profiling.

Or does it? Ah hell, who cares?

Since I don’t want men to feel excluded from the “Single Minded Woman” discussion here’s a little something for them.

Point Taken from a Male Perspective

Lane Filler, reporter for the Spartanburg Herald Journal, SC objected to the fact that men were not mentioned or consulted in the NYT’s article reporting that for the 1^st time more adult women are living without a husband than with one. So he called up one of Sam Robert’s key sources for the article, William H. Frey of the Brookings Institute, to discuss this omission.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Mr. Frey called the new statistic “a clear “tipping point” reflecting post 1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women.

Mr. Filler countered with, “Everyone’s saying, women no longer have to marry for money, security and to have kids, and that explains these statistics. But couldn’t it just as easily be that men no longer have to marry to get sex, hot food and clean clothing?”

“That is another angle and you’re correct,” Frey answered, adding that while the marriage dip is generally seen as a female choice, it is obviously mutual.

In his article Lane Filler also had this to say “To read the story by Sam Roberts, you’d think men all over the country are chasing women on bended knee (which would explain their lack of success catching them), rings in hand, and gals are fleeing them, singing along to “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar” on their iPods and writing “I hate stinky boys” in their diaries each night.

My Counter Point

What time capsule are you in?

Remember the 60’s, the Free Love generation? It has been quite some time since men have had to marry a woman to get sex - hardly a recent development. Nor does a man have to marry to get a hot meal or clean clothes. That’s what laundries and diners are for.

I think it is unlikely one can be a woman in this country and not have heard the overused saying referring to marriage in the post 60’s era “Why should a man buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?”

I think these new statistics are saying that a lot of women are taking the cow off the auction block and mooo-ving on.

More women today are in a position of choice. According to the stats, many are choosing to take life by the horns and live it on their own terms.

And that’s no bull!

Read Part Ior Part III of the Happy Single Minded Woman

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Being Single Minded and Happy - debunking the myth of the lonely single woman.

Women being able to own property, women getting the vote, women becoming more educated, women having financial independence and women running countries is now culminating into a new disturbing trend for some– women being happy single.

Oh my God will it never end?

I sure hope not, cuz ladies apparently, we’re on a roll.

And the statistics rolling out bear witness.

What can it possibly mean?

In a New York Times article from January 16, 2007, Sam Roberts reported;

“For what experts say is probably the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one, according to a New York Times analysis of census results.

In 2005, 51 % of women said they were living without a spouse, up from 35 % in 1950 and 49% in 2000. Coupled with the fact that in 2005 married couples became a minority of all American households for the first time, the trend could ultimately shape social and work place policies, including the ways government and employers distribute benefits”.

Let’s all of us single women stay tuned for these results – like revisions to the tax code that will eliminate current penalties exacted against single tax payers. Being single shouldn’t mean you pay more to the IRS.

Jillian Straus, Psychology Today Magazine May/June 2006, in her article “Lone Stars: Being Single” references research psychologist Bella DePaulo, a single woman, and her decision to put aside her established professional career to write a book on singles. Bella DePaulo aid she could never have considered leaving her secure position as a tenured professional and writing her book if she were part of a couple.

Jullian Straus interpreted Bella’s statement as follows;
“DePaulo’s own path exemplifies a seismic shift in the place of singles in American culture – in the lives they lead, in the way others see them and more profoundly, in the way they see themselves. Not only are singles the fastest-growing population group in the country, most of us will spend more of our adult lives as single than married. That hard demographic fact is rapidly turning singlehood into a satisfying destination rather than an anxiety-ridden way station, a sign of independence rather than a mark of shame, an opportunity to develop a variety of relationships rather than a demand to stuff all one’s emotional eggs into one basket.

“Single hood is no longer a state to be overcome as soon as possible. It has its own rewards. Marriage is not the gateway to adulthood anymore. For most people it’s the dessert – desirable, but no longer the main course – neither the coupled nor uncoupled life is an automatic ticket to bliss’ ” quote by social historian Stephanie Coontz

The New York Times article brought about some fairly vitriolic response on both sides of the argument. Some opposing journalists tried to dispute the results by pointing out that the New York Time stats included 10 million females under the age of 18 etc, etc. Maybe it did. So really who cares? The trend is clear, no matter whose calculator is used. More women are single, some by choice others by circumstance.

Surprising as this may seem, many single women are happy. According to recent research, as each year goes by, more and more women are choosing to marry later or not at all. This trend has some cultural observers concerned.

Cathy Young, Contributing Editor, Boston Globe

“Is this merely a fact of life or a manifestation of cultural decline – a “titanic loss of family values”, as the title of a column in The Washington Times put it?….

The single woman has become a focus of concern.”

Apparently, if women want to be truly scary we don’t need to carry a gun, or earn a black belt in martial arts, all we need to do is tell pollsters we are happy being single.

How shocking!

Are single women throwing America a “cultural curve ball”?

Are single women, as some would have it, the instigators of a cultural decline in family values?

Are women upsetting the marital apple cart?

If we are, I don’t believe it has been intentional.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

In the sixties young women burned their bras in protest and demonstrated en mass. Today we don’t see wives demonstrating en mass or throwing their wedding rings onto the flames of a social pier,

instead we see escalating divorce statistics and declining marriage statistics. Our public bean counters guage a growing disinterest in the status quo – a desire by some not to partake in the choices of yesteryear

What we are hearing from women in America is, “I don’t need to settle. I choose not to settle. Being single is OK. My marriage status will not define me. My worth is not a wedding band. I will be my own security. I will be happy with my choices.“

Well if this is the case, what will become of the American “Ozzie and Harriet” world of past generations??

What will happen to American society if even more women decide to stay single, decide not to have children or refuse to be a participant in a marriage where they are the sole caretakers of the children, the home, their husband and their aging parents?

Look out ESPN, American males may soon find themselves too busy to stay tuned.

Read Part II “Point Counter Point to Being Single Minded and Happy”

Read Part III “The Single Minded Woman- So How Do You Really Feel?”

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Yes it’s been too long since we have talked! No, I wasn’t on some exotic vacation trolling white sandy beaches searching for something worth picking up. Instead I was stuck in 2007, unable to move on to the new year until I did my homework – I had to close out my company books and send them off to my friendly bean counter. This annual ritual gives him the opportunity to take the “happy” out of “Happy New Year” for me by crunching all my tax numbers while simultaneously dispelling any illusions I may have had about a prosperous new year.

Once my work was done, covered in paper cuts, I clicked my ruby mouse twice and like magic found myself in the land of 2008.

And what did I find ?

I woke up, sat down with my cup of hot coffee, looked around my comfortable little nest as I do every day and felt a new feeling. Had no idea what it was to begin with. Then it came to me. It was boredom! I was actually, profoundly bored.

I don’t expect to rock your world with this announcement but it rocked mine, because, you see, for the past year I have been perfectly content being a shut-in covered in Persian cats.

My God, it took me an entire year to get bored with having no life!

Now that’s what I call staying power or more accurately, staying in power.

So with the fervor of the recently converted I put my plan together.
I would get social – whatever that means.
I would change my hair.
I would get happy with my body.
I would walk out my front door on a more regular basis.

How have I done so far?
2 lunches with friends
1 dinner
2 movies in a real theater
1 haircut with new color and streaks
I theater night – Menopause the Musical
All of the above involved walking out my front door.

Results:
I realized that my front door needed a new locking mechanism.

I discovered that for the longest time my very own 86 year old mother has thought my hair cut/color was boring. I gotta tell you when an 86 year old woman tells you this you gotta pay attention!

Not wanting to go too far over the top I decided to back away from the possibility pictured below. Although I recognized that the face jewelry would be effective in camouflaging my wrinkles, my heightened aversion to pain won out. However, if any of you could Photoshop my face onto this picture I would love to send it to my mother. She’s been asking for a photo of my new “do”. That rendition would certainly get her attention.

Everyone, including my hair dresser found it necessary to tell me that changing my hair color would not change my life. I must have forgotten to have the word “stupid” surgically removed from my forehead before visiting with them.

Upon hearing of my new plan, my girlfriends immediately offered to help me find a man. Apparently all I need to change my life is a boy toy. Never once did they offer to give me batteries for my birthday. Perhaps they assumed I was already well stocked.

I watched the premier of “How to Look Good Naked” – more about that later.

I am researching the purchase of a new bathroom scale – one that measures all that body mass stuff. I am also looking for a doctor wise enough to prescribe Valium to help me deal with what the scale has to say. If you can recommend a good scale (or a sympathetic doctor) I would appreciate hearing from you.

I am working up to using my reclining bicycle as an exercise machine rather than a piece of furniture – one baby step at a time.

So there you have it.

How about we all work together on making this year new?
I don’t know about you but I could sure use the support.

Til the next time.

Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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December 22nd and counting.

So how are y’all doing?

If you are unable to be of good cheer do the best you can not to be homicidal.

Christmas should come with a warning label on it:
“Be aware that for certain individuals Christmas may induce depression, holiday hysteria and feelings of uncontrollable inadequacy. These side effects should not last long,if they do, please consult a competent psychiatrist as soon as possible, assuming you can find one.”

At this time of year people fall into a few very basic categories: the desperately depressed, the panic stricken, the last minute lunatics and the smugly well prepared. I make a point of not associating with people of the last category as I find them to be very annoying. No matter what category you fall into, take heart, this too shall pass.

There are times when accepting the inevitable is the only option open to us. (disclaimer: Although the foregoing sentence may remind some people of another more disturbing saying, ” If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it”, please be assured that Shabby Chic is not implying that dear old Santa is a pedophile or a rapist. That would be too dark even for me.) So, the bottom line is we might as well do what we can to enjoy Christmas as it will find us no matter where we hide.

The good news is that with the price of oil these days, putting a lump of coal in someone’s stocking will be interpreted as a gift of generosity, as opposed to a moral judgment on behavior. Go onto the “I Am a Lame Shopper” website and see if they still have any lumps left. I’m confident that if you click on the Super Lame tab you can print out a gift certificate. That may be your only alternative at this late date. In this day and age of immediate gift gratification, you no doubt will be cast into The Super Lame Hall of Shame but take your lumps, you earned them.

Personally, I fully expect to receive a lump of cellulite in my stocking this year. Through personal experience, I have discovered that Santa can be a real twisted piece of work. Doing this sort of thing to the cynical and lazy citizens of his domain is what keeps him jolly.

Christmas warning!!! Do not, under any circumstance, check out the websites that inform on the number of calories lurking in the traditional Christmas food feast. The people who send us this terrifying caloric data are mean spirited and need to be destroyed. With all the stress of this season, the very least we should be able to do is inhale an enormous number of comfort calories in complete ignorance or denial of the inevitable consequences. Remorse will come later. That’s what New Years Eve is for.

So, Merry Everything Blogger Friends.

Til next time,

Susan, Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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First thing this morning I checked my blog to see if anything was going on –something I do often these days to satisfy my OCD tendencies.

Oh joy, oh joy there were some new comments!!!!!!

One of the comments came from Anonymous. This must be a very popular name these days as I hear from a lot of people sharing that same name. I find it to be an odd name choice for a parent to make, but who can argue with trends? Undeniably, it is easier to tolerate than the drug induced names of the 70’s like “Rainbow” or Angel Sky”.

This is what Anonymous had to say on an 8:19 am comment posting this morning.

“So, I checked in and there’s nothing new. Are you hung up in your lights? Tease those keys and post something fresh. Time’s awasting!”

This was my response:

“Good God Anonymous!! Your comment was posted at 8:19 am!!!

Glad to hear from you but GET A GRIP!

Wonderful crazy person, what time zone are you in?

8:19 Eastern time makes it 6:19 am Land of Enchantment time. Was I tangled up in my lights? Hell no darlin, my lights weren’t even on!

“Regarding me teasing the keys and writing something fresh: To tell you the truth I was hoping I could get away with out and out plagiarism, worn out words and stale opinions. No one ever said I had to be fresh or original. Now you are scaring me!!”

Not wanting to totally disappoint Anonymous, I decided to give my worn out muse a bit of a break and publish a little chicken fun sent to me by my sister.

I feel I can get away with this lazy posting as it relates back to when Lauren named my blog “Shabby Chick” – a clear and undeniable chicken reference.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHILL
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his
‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

ANDERSON COOPER- CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY (remember him?)
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth?’
That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like
‘the other side”. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as
plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY
Where’s my gun? Does it have a vest on?

AL SHARPTON
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Dat’s all folks,

Til next time.

Susan, Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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For my BFs (blogger friends):

I want to thank everyone who has left a comment for me on my blog.

I really love hearing from you - no matter what you have to say.

I make this promise to you, if you send me words, I will send words back to you.

Knowing that what I write here is not just me talking to myself in print. matters.

You inspire me. You encourage me to get up and write.

If you have left a comment on any of my submissions, please click on the comment line at the bottom of the piece - you will see my response back to you. If I fall behind - yell at me - I will deserve it.

Let’s talk.

Susan, Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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During this time of year thousands of people suffer from S.A. D (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, is an affective, or mood disorder. Most SAD sufferers experience normal mental health throughout most of the year, but experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer. Luckily, there are support groups for sufferers as well as several effective treatments to cure the symptoms.

From Thanksgiving to Christmas I, on the other hand, suffer form S.L.D. (Seasonal Lighting Disorder).

Seasonal Lighting Disorder (SLD), also known as grinchism is a chronic aversion to stringing any form of outdoor lighting on residential structures during the holiday season. There is reason to suspect that most S.L.D. sufferers do not experience normal mental health the rest of the year either. Because people of good cheer find them offensive and depressing, there are no known support groups for these poor depraved souls and no known cure.

I was struck by the late onset of S.L.D. immediately after separating from my husband. Up until that point in my life, decorating my home with lavish good cheer had been the norm. I take no credit for this personally, as it was a direct result of my being surrounded by demanding family members who forced me to do it. God bless them one and all!

When I first moved into my single woman nest four years ago, my incredible neighbor friends, Bart and Lulu, could not help but notice the cheer sucking darkness of my home during the holiday season. They assumed that I was either Jewish (best case), too cheap to pay for the electricity or simply strange. Being people of good cheer and amazingly tolerant of strange women, they befriended me anyway.

Time takes its toll on all of us. They were no exception. Two days ago I ventured out my front door to witness Bart erecting a wire Santa sleigh, complete with the desired reindeer accessory, on my front lawn. “Merry Christmas” he sang out to me.

So this year my grinch of Christmas past has been covered in beautiful white lights and harnessed to Santa’s sleigh. My SLD has been effectively treated – by the kindness of a neighbor.

Thanks to his act of unbridled generosity, I guess I am now more of a Ho than ever. Does he have any idea of what he has done? I doubt it. But, as the angels protect the pure of heart, he will be just fine.

So to my BF’s (blogger friends) I just have this to say,

“Merry Christmas to you all and to you all a good night”

Till next time.

Susan, Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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During my “staring at my BB (blank blog) stage” I accessed a few established blogs to see what other people were writing about. Can’t say that I became immediately inspired by the ones I checked out. It may have been just my bad blog choices. Not that the writing wasn’t good, a lot of it was. I think it was more the subject matter that caused me to click on down the road. Perhaps, because I no longer have small children to talk about. I don’t know. Frankly,I’ve never really liked children that much, other than my own. I realize that most civilized people expect women,to like children. To admit that I don’t may not reflect well on my nature. In my defense I do like puppies and kittens. Trust me, I have a good and loving hearty damn it! Also, I might add that if asked, my daughter Lauren would tell you without hesitation that under the right circumstances I am very capable of being a real mother. So there you are. Anyway, as a result of this maternal deficit I was not transfixed by tales of other women’s adorable, or not, rug rats.

That it not to say that I won’t relate enormously embarrassing childhood stories about my grown-up girls. I will of course. But that falls more under the category of me being a real mother.

What I did pick up from other bloggers was the bio thing. Seemed like a good idea for you to know a little something about Shabby Chic. I had planned to do that first. Seemed like an easy way to start. After all, most days I remember who I am. But then life or rather death intervened and I jumped head first into the Passing Words piece.

Now I will go back to the beginning.

My name is Susan. I am a 57 year old white (whoops should I say Caucasian? I can never remember) woman. Anyway, my skin is white - mind you, not as white as my daughter Lauren’s - she damn near glows in the dark (that is her Irish father’s fault), but white nonetheless.

I am separated ( 4 1/2 years and counting) from my husband/partner of 27 years. I do not live alone. I share my domestic nest with 2 persian cats. I used to live in this same cozy space with 4 cats and 1 dog. Knowing that I was precocious as a child, my friends accepted my herd of animals as my getting a head start on senility.The passing of 3 of my old room mates have made me seem somewhat less eccentric to the general public. Proof positive that appearances are usually deceptive and not to be to be trusted.

I was born in Canada eh, raised in Toronto and have lived in the States, LEGALLY for the most part, since 1981. To say that I was raised in Toronto is not entirely accurate - I was raised in the burbs -Cooksville back then, Mississauga now. Toronto just sounds sooo much better (read more sophisticated and interesting) and frankly, how many of you would know where Mississauga is. How many of you could spell it?
Hell, many Americans are not even sure where Canada is. I feel I should fess up to being a Burb Baby as it may, down the road, explain to you some of my social shortcomings. So there you have it.

I graduated with a BA in English and History from the University of Western Ontario in London Ontario. Why that particular double major? My mother wanted me to be a teacher. She somehow knew that her youngest daughter, would at some point, be in need of a stabilizing influence in her life. Upon hearing this from my caring and wise mother, I nodded pleasantly and after graduation went directly to Europe for a year by myself. That would not prove to be the last time my mother was appealed by one of my decision.

In 1981 I moved to Houston, Texas and lived there for 10 years (we can talk about that weirdness later). In 2001 we moved to Corrales, New Mexico ( a funky little rural Spanish village that hangs delightfully off the north west end of Albuquerque)and lived there for 13 + years. Presently, I am living back in Burbville, in the west end of Albuquerque. Yes, you’re right, there’s a story to that as well. Life is a roller coaster and apparently someone reserved the front car for my exclusive use.

I have been self-employed for most of my professional career - do not read unemployed into that statement. Since 1981. I have been a partner in a variety of oil field service/production companies. Why a variety you may ask. Are you paying attention? Remember the roller coaster comment a couple of sentences back? For the past decade I have run a oilfield service company in West Texas. I choose to run it from the Land of Enchantment rather than Midland because, although I may be a little crazy, I’m not crazy enough to live in Midland Texas. Toronto and Texas may start with the same letter but the similarity ends there.

Generally, when I tell people what I do they look at me strangely and say something like “That’s an unusual business for a woman. How did you get into it” I wonder if they think I’ve had a sex change operation or if my marriages have been a pathetic cover for some kind of dark less traditional lifestyle. Who knows? When asked, I look directly into their suspicious eyes and say ” It just appealed to my feminine side”.

In 2004, having been separated from my husband for 1 year, I decided to try being more professionally independent from my ex by taking a real job with an outside entity(my ex lived in another state, but was and still is my partner in the company). At the time I really didn’t mean it - I mean why would I want a real job? I hadn’t worked for someone else since I was 30 years old for God’s sake!!! So I talked about the idea to some of my friends and that was it. I didn’t send out resumes or make any other sincere effort at job hunting. I just talked about it. What’s the harm in that? My friends had never taken me seriously before. Why would they start now? I figured I was safe.

To make a long story short I ended up getting a 2 1/2 year gig working for the Attorney General of New Mexico on her executive staff. Lesson: be careful what you blather about. People just might take you seriously. I became one of her speech writers and handled a variety of grunt type work. Prior to this experience my major outside interest in life had been business. After this gig I emulated my college days and ended up,once again, with a double major: business and politics - the incestuous cousins of the national family we call America.

I am happy to say that I am now back to having only one job - running my strange company and dabbling in the occasional political project. I am happy as a tick on a dog (disclaimer: this is a folksy Texas saying - although I freely admit to being a dedicated capitalist,I do not mean to describe myself as a bloodsucking insect that happily tortures man’s best friend. Remember I love puppies- for verification of this, if your eyes haven’t totally glazed over by now please reference paragraph 1 of this blog.

I spend my days in my snug nest office, doing my work, talking to myself, talking to my cats and now talking to you. Let’s see how interesting a conversation we can have together. Write comments to me. If you’re feeling nasty you are welcome to leave me a scathing critique of my writing ( I’m tough enough to take it and if I prove not to be there are pharmaceuticals for that). If you want to talk about anything at all jot it down on a comment and we’ll go at it. Let’s get busy. Let’s get interesting.

Til the next time.
Susan the Shabby Chic

Where women are free to be themselves, together.

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